Sometimes I feel like I'm slowly falling apart.

Not like insane, but like my mind is flaking apart bit by bit...

I used to have a fabulous memory. I felt like I had something to bring to the world, I was SMART.

And now I don't even know what's going on. It's like everything is slowly, slowly falling apart and I can't figure out how to get back.

I hate it so much, and I have no idea what to do.

50 Things

I've been wanting to do this for a while...

So, here's 50 random things you might not have known about me :O (In no particular order)

1. My middle name, Dawn, was chosen by my mother's older sister. It's the feminine version of Don, which was their father's middle name, but also the name he went by (his first name was Delmar - I don't blame him), as well as the middle name of my cousin. For some reason, no one thought about this until after they'd chosen it.
2. The creatures I despise above all others are humans.
3. The first manga I ever read was Sailor Moon. (No, wait, I lied. It doesn't really count, but I read a pokémon comic in elementary school that I didn't realize was manga at the time).
4. I'm addicted to online shopping. Luckily, I'm usually able to stop short of actually purchasing something...
5. I have the inability to be funny on purpose. If I'm funny, it's spontaneous or unintentional.
6. I cannot take a bath without having something with me to read, or a game boy to play.
7. I read "People" magazine every week, catching up on the details of lives of famous people I really don't care about. I'm not sure why.
8. I was grounded from books when I was little, rather than T.V. or game systems.
9. My favourite fictional character of all time is Rogue, from the X-Men.
10. If something can get lost, I will lose it, in an inordinately short amount of time. Generally, it's somewhere obvious.
11. I have a habit of killing electronics accidentally. My Gameboy Advance SP was dropped into a lake while stepping off the boat and onto the dock. Luckily, the game was safe (although the actual gameboy was not).
12. I refuse to acknowledge the epilogue of Harry Potter as canon.
13. Speaking of Harry Potter, I found this author's retelling of the story superior to the original in every way. Read her work. NOW.
14. The only time I've ever used a lawnmower was when I used the riding one to haul our trailer up a hill.
15. I've never been able to cry when real people die, but when fictional characters do, I sob like no other.
16. I've always wanted to talk to animals (who doesn't?), but sometimes I feel like it'd be nice just so I'd finally be able to become a vegetarian. I've always lacked the motivation due to my supreme love of meat.
17. I love stuff, in general. Material things make me happy. They don't have to serve any purpose, but little statues, pretty things, books... just having them makes me happy.
18. If I get on a website like T.V. Tropes, Cracked, or Wikipedia, I'll spend hours upon hours on them, from starting on one single page. I end up opening new tabs every time something looks interesting.
19. My dream is to become a Disney Imagineer.
20. I have so many things I want to do (just regular things, not big lifelong goals), but I almost never get around to them, due to how easily distracted I am (and my terrible sense of time).
21. I have to stop writing this right now, and go to bed, because doing this is making me think of all the things I need to get done, but are kind of hard to do at 2:20 in the morning, when your family is asleep. I get mad at myself for not getting things done I really need to - like watering the plants, cleaning the litterbox, setting up a doctor's appointment, emailing a web page code... okay, I really need to leave for now.
22. I was addicted to Flaming Hot Cheetohs for years; that only ended when I had too many of them my first semester of college.
23. My lucky number is 23 - and not only because I was born on July 23rd. It's been extraordinarily lucky for me throughout my life.
24. I stopped caring what people thought of me during high school, because everyone had their opinions already. I got to college, and realized that it was so much more real for me to get along with everyone, and be easygoing. I wish I would've tried harder in high school, sometimes.
25. I love learning random things about different people I know :) It doesn't have to be relevant to anything, I just like knowing things about you! (In a totally non-creepy way)
26. I started this months ago, and am just now continuing... I'm too lazy to look back, so hopefully repeats won't happen xD
27. I really should be paying attention in Astronomy class right now, but... I'm not.
28. My laptop has a cool cover :) It's a Wyland piece, all happy and underwater and dolphins... I enjoy it.
29. I'm big on animal-rights and preventing animal cruelty. Don't go to a pet store, go to a shelter! You can find virtually ANY kind of rescued pet (including purebreds!) on Petfinder!
30. The titles of the folders on my computer (at least the desktop portion) make no sense to anyone but me... because they have little to no relevance to the contents xD
31. People who form opinions and make statements about things they don't know anything about piss me the hell off.
32. If I can't stand a writer's style, I simply will not read their work, regardless of why I'm supposed to. For this reason, I'll never complete Frankenstein, Twilight, anything by Dan Brown, etc. I find all the writing to be absolutely horrid and unreadable.
33. I love looking at stars, and things in space, but the thought of ever being out there terrifies me to no end.
34. I have Automatonophobia- Fear of ventriloquist's dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues - anything that falsly represents a sentient being. This also includes creepy mannequins in museums ;_; And, sometimes, old dolls.
35. I have my dream house planned out in my head, and have for several years. Naturally, it includes a large library.
36. I get depressed on occasion (and do have clinical depression), but I've never understood why someone would want to end their own life simply because things aren't going well. I guess I always believe in a better tomorrow, so it's never come to something like that for me. That said, there are definitely extreme cases where I do understand why people would make that choice.
37. When authors specifically make sure that every person in their book is neatly paired off in the end, it really bothers me. I mean, it may make sense in a long-running series, but when it's just one or two books, and everyone has happened to end up with another character? That's pushing it.
38. I might laugh at all the jokes in a comedy movie, but I still don't like them. Or bloody violent horror flicks.
39. Meanwhile, I can't watch psychological horror/thrillers, but for some reason I've still found myself awake until 3 a.m. reading summaries of classic films in this genre that I'll never watch (aka Alfred Hitchcock), and then kick myself later... I can't fall asleep with all the creepy in my head!
40. I want a Giant Rubber Duckie for Christmas. Or my birthday. Or anytime really... please? :D
41. One of my strongest traits is my sense of justice. If I feel something is unjust, I tend to over-react or get majorly pissed off for what other people may see as no reason.
42. Everyone should watch This Video... as long as you don't hate animals.
43. Actually, you should all watch This Video too... and this one... and this one... and why not try this as well?
44. I absolutely adore well-made music videos; usually of the fan variety ;) It's fun to see mesh-ups, and some of the makers are REALLY good :O
45. I have an obsession with cute things. Did you not know that? Then why the heck are you even here? xD
46. I don't have a T.V in my room, and it's probably a good thing - I've recently fallen in love with GLEE and Project Runway, in addition to already loving Dollhouse, so easy access would probably lead to more tv and less life xD
47. I can sleep forever, and get tired easily, but I for some reason I have problems falling asleep in the first place, no matter how tired I am.
48. When I get a video game, rather than racing through it, I make a point of taking it slow so that it lasts and I can have the full experience :D Unfortunately, this also means I may spend days in a row doing nothing else, and yet still making very little progress.
49. I used to wear a watch every day; since it got covered with paint, I've bought a new one, discovered that it obviously has issues, and keep asking everyone for the time when it really doesn't seem to matter.
50. I don't know if anyone will actually read this, but it's been therapeutic xD

Long Time Coming...

It's been quite a while since I posted :O I feel like I should get at least ONE June post in, yes?

Summer has been going well so far. I'm sitting at home, watching the Twins game, at an awkward angle in order to have my computer plugged into the charger...

This weekend is the fourth of July; I'm heading up to my cabin for the first time in almost two years o_O One of my dad's older sisters, her husband, their daughter, and two dogs are coming up as well, which is exciting :D But Scooter is old and sick, and that's sad :( I've known him forever, and I really want him to live forever...

It's odd, I can only think of things to write when I'm not actually attempting to write them o_O Maybe next time I'll give an art update. That sounds smart, ne?

Birthdays :O

Sci beat me to the punch today, but I felt like posting birthday wishes as well! (and stealing two of the edited versions of Rosie-images he made :P)

May 7th (today!) is Jen's 23rd birthday! Yay!

May 8th (tomorrow!) is Pekka's 19th birthday! Yay!

Coming soon is May 12th, when Nexy will be celebrating her 1st birthday - again!

As I just started giving birthday wishes, I feel the need to spread the love to two people who celebrated birthdays last month!

Both Anna and Willie turned 18 in April, Anna on April 27th, and Willie on April 15th.

Happy Birthday all!

(Pictures by Rosie ♥)

A Short Treatise on Sleep

Actually, it's not a treatise, or a dissertation, or anything of the sort.

It is almost 2 am, and I'm not tired. I have to wake up in approximately 7 hours to go to class, which is much less sleep than I'd prefer. Last night, I got very few hours of sleep; the same the night before.

You'd think I'd learn, you really would.

Ah, well.


People are being loud, drunk , and annoying outside my room, and someone just tried coming in. WEIRD. Do Not Want. Locking the door now.

One of the boys was trying to enter the girls bathroom as I left earlier. It was kind of awkward. Too lazy to go to another floor to find the men's room, I suppose.

I'd complain to Makha, but she's apparently asleep and is at the other end of the hall. BLARGH.

Hm. Life.

I haven't posted in a while. Recently, I realized that when I'm laying in bed trying to fall asleep, all the great things come into my head, but if I actually got up to write them, I'd get distracted. When I actually DO go to write things, nothing good stays in my head. How depressing.

I'm eating Extra Cheddar Goldfish right now. I think I got a dud bag; they taste more... tasteless than usual. I wish I could just buy a bag of the cheddar dust and eat that. It'd be terrible for me.... but sooooo, soooo good. I'm also surrounded by boxes of gummies, puffcorn, popcorn, and other unhealthy items. If I had an actual kitchen, I think I would make real food. Instead, I went over to Cayla & Nicole's apartment in West Village today and Cayla and I made macaroni and cheese and watched movies. I saw "August Rush", and about half of "P.S. I Love You". Then Nicole and Amanda showed up and it became more of a gossip/chat-fest. I know what happened in the end of the second movie... but most of it is interspersed with random conversation about things like South Dakota and mothers. It was interesting x3

I actually have to go to my Religion Class tomorrow. Sadness. I skipped two classes in a row (shouldn't have done that, but the teacher's baby was soooo late), and then the baby came, so two more were cancelled... now I have class again. I wrote two (not-so-hot) papers really quickly, but I really didn't put my all into them... I just couldn't care. The class is interesting, but I'm not so interested that I WANT to research and write about it, like I do for History classes.

In Theatre... I suck at sound design. How depressing. So much of the electronics detail just goes in one ear, takes a detour around fluff central, hitches a ride on the mouse-express that runs through my head, and exits at the other ear, without leaving a drop of information behind. Hopefully I'll get paired with someone who DOES understand all this stuff for the recording project, or I'm royally screwed.

Intro to Design, meanwhile, is highly entertaining. I'm enjoying the drawing part a lot, and I really like how Holman doesn't just tell me something's wrong, fix it - he tells me what's wrong, shows me why it wouldn't work in a way that I'll be able to think of in the future, and gives an example of how it could be fixed. Then I get to go back to spending wayyy too much time drawing pretty sideboards before realizing this is the pre-vellum version and it's on the wrong side of the door.

That brings me to Newsies [connection to be explained]. <3 <3 <3 Newsies. Brief backstory: I have seen far too few movies. This is being rectified bit-by-bit. Therefore, I was over at the same apartment mentioned earlier to see some of them. We'd just finished Edward Scissorhands, and I'm looking to see what to watch next. I've heard of Newsies before, so I take a look at the VHS, and ask if it's any good. Nicole just LOOKS at me, and tells me to just be quiet and put it in. NOW. x3 I did, and ... Ah! Love <3 So I ordered the DVD & music book on Amazon, and then went into Intro early on Tuesday, popped it into my computer, and watched/listened while working on Front Elevations. Then Holman made me turn it off so we could actually pay attention in class x3

A few minutes ago, I realized what a horrible person I am. You know those really annoying alert things in Facebook, in the corner that SHOULD tell you birthdays in events? Well, I just got a suggestion, because "17 of your friends are fans of God!". I clicked the 'x' in the corner. When Olive Garden Breadsticks were suggested, however, I didn't hesitate. Now I want those. And mashed potatoes. GARLIC mashed potatoes. Yum.

Also, I have been looking at lots of cute things lately (what else is new?) with plenty of encouragement... so I felt the need to share some. I'll start with just one today...

The House of Mouse is an AMAZING little plushie-maker - all sorts of adorable mice dressed up as all sorts of things... my favourite is Ewok Mouse x3

Life Updates!

Lots of random little things that I felt like talking about :O

So I started needlefelting today, and I'm enjoying it quite a lot!

Naturally, I broke my first needle in no time ;_; Trying to remove some felt to fix the shape of the bunny I'm working on, and bent it. Tried bending it back, and it snapped. If I was smart, I'd've used scissors...

I'm on Spring Break! I had a lovely ride home with lovely people. Being that we're all theatre majors, we listened to soundtracks and sang along. Julia and Cayla actually asked me if I'd been in choir before, which was interesting, because I've never sung in any choir x3 Maybe I should've; I'd be able to sing better :O Apparently my voice sucks less than I thought x333

Heading to the Mall of America tomorrow :D Hoping to buy some random things ^_^ I don't know if they have a craft store; I want to find it if so!

I also am still missing two keys on my keyboard... the down arrow and the 1 key. I can press the pads, but I miss the actual buttons xD So much easier when I have them...

Aggh, I'm bored now. I feel awake, but not really like doing something specific >_< Too late to take a bath, running low on computer battery...

A Happy Post :O

I know, I seem to only post emo things... so I decided on a happy post :O I felt kind of guilty after a bunch of you IM'd or emailed me with hugs... but I luff you all <3

Anyhow, I thought I'd make a post that's full of happier things! Yay!

First of all, I'm going to apologize for being a bit behind on approving content/revisions (to those of you it's relevant to), as well as not helping staff chats live this past week or two; I won't be very alive again until after next weekend (not this weekend, next weekend), as I'm helping with the set for The Bacchae, and then running the light board for the actual show; I'm having a lot of fun doing so :) I feel much more useful recently, which is a definite plus. It's also nice to get to know more about some of the upperclassmen in my major ^_^

And, back to the happy place! That makes me think of Peach, the Starfish from Finding Nemo [yes, I am a geek... if you didn't know this, you wouldn't be here :D]

I had pizza today and yesterday. That was happy. I have a Diet Coke sitting in front of me right now. Cold, carbonated, bad for me, and utterly delicious. I'm addicted to the stuff. I like food. Amy said we may go to Jethro's for dinner tomorrow, since we've had pizza twice xD I've never been, I'm rather excited :) And the dutchmanning of the columns should be finished tomorrow, so we'll be doing something else finally ... although the dutchmanning still needs to be finished on the actual set, and that's not so fun... at least it doesn't involve standing the entire time.

My first class tomorrow is cancelled since we need to watch The Matrix and write a paper. I should get on that...

Mornings make me think of breakfast. I forgot my gallon of milk in my aunt & uncle's fridge this weekend (along with my leftover steak :(), so I've been getting breakfast at Olmstead this week... first time I've done so all year :O

And now I'm distracted by some things that are making me unhappy, so that ends this ramble... it'll return later.

Weekend Rambles

Liking someone sucks.
Really, really sucks.

Mostly because I have a tendency to fall for people that I know won't, for various reasons, ever like me. At least, not that way. And then you start wondering if they even like you as a friend, and freak out because what if they find out, when you know you'll get over it someday, but they might not believe you and will forever be awkward. Then you say "Fuck my life" and wonder if you'll ever be lucky enough to find someone.

And then I get scared, because I don't know what the answer is, and I don't want to end up alone, and I'm not willing to settle for someone who likes me but I'm not über-fond of. I can't do that.

Instead, I can just curse my luck for who I've fallen for, and wonder when things'll be okay again.

I wish I had internet right now. It's hating me, due to the snowstorm, and I can't distract myself with anything at the moment, so I'm moping and feeling sorry for myself, which really can't be very healthy.

I wish I wasn't so scared to try and get to know people better, and goddamnit, I wish I was better at making friends. I don't want to alienate people I'm fond of, so I become different, without consciously thinking about it. I don't know what to do.

Especially in the Theatre department, people really seem to group off into friend groups, and, while I'm fairly good at getting along with everyone (I don't think anyone specifically DISlikes me... I hope not...), I wish that there was someone (or multiple someones) who would just be like "Hey, you're cool, let's hang"... only in less dorky terms xD I'm hoping that makes sense. I like getting to know people; I'm a curious person, and pretty much everything about people fascinates me. Which, when I think about it, is kind of ironic, due to the fact that most of humanity annoys me (in general, not specifically).

And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes my random ramble of the day(s).


So I realized something today.

I'm so useless ;_;

Not in the general sense, of course; there are plenty of things I can do that are useful. But in the area where it really counts, my major, I feel rather useless. There's nothing at the moment I'm particularly good at; there are certain things I'd like to learn more about, of course, but it's not to the point where I really CAN. I'm definitely utter fail at carpentry, and I'm having a hard time being original or interesting in Intro to Design... My strength lies more in looking at something rough, or an idea, and turning it into something good.

Unfortunately, that's not that useful at the moment... blaghh...

And I want to earn money next year, because my dad's no-job restriction lifts after first year. But I don't know what I"d do; the interesting jobs will be taken by Work-Study, and even if I applied, I doubt I'd get a TA job for Scene or Costume shop :/ I'm just not good enough at anything @_@ I'm better than a good many people, but with the number of positions available, I just don't quite make the cut :/

It's rather depressing.

Also, I feel like I'm giving people the impression I'm stupid because I ask for so much clarification ;_; I just don't want to do things wrong... I'm turning perfectionist.



I was talking with Dave today, and I was rambling on about dogs and cats.

And I told him about my Raney, and my Zoe.

My precious dogs.

Now, usually I go on about kitties and how much I love them.

But just reminiscing...

God, I miss those dogs. Raney was my guardian, from the time I was born until she died. Such a sweet Rough Collie. I wish I could go back and thank her for giving me a lifelong love of all creatures, for I do believe she started it.

Now, Simba is my angel. Zippy is my buddy. But Zoe...

Zoe was my love. That little dog couldn't be called smart, by any means. But she had the biggest heart in the world. She could never jump onto couches or beds. She'd put her paws up, wag her tail, and make you pick her up. Last week of school, 3rd grade, dad comes home with this adorable little ball of fluff. Two days after christmas, 7th grade, that adorable pile of love passes away. God, she wasn't even four years old. Shih Tzus are supposed to live 10 years, minimum, averaging 15 years. She was so, so sick. I don't know how much my parents spent for her medical costs, but for us, anything was worth it if it could keep this light in our lives just a little longer.

The day she died, I had the most horrible case of the flu. I can't remember ever being sicker, bar two days earlier (christmas day, I couldn't even be excited to open presents). That morning, it was obvious. She couldn't make it anymore. The vet saved her christmas bows for me. I still have them, in a special box on my headboard at home.

I think just talking about her today really let it sink in. I have a hard time really letting things sink in, but right now, I'd give anything to see that dog once more, or even just to know that she's in a better place.

Raney, thank you so much. I love you.

Zoe... my precious love, I hope you're happy, wherever you are. You never deserved the sickness you had. You deserve to be frolicking and chasing tiny tennis balls and jumping in giant piles of snow and not worrying about being housetrained. I love you, angel.

I love you.

Dreams and Music

I know I just talked about dreams, but I felt like musing a little bit more...

Recently, I've found I've wanted to go to sleep simply so I can dream, because my dreams have been so vivid and interesting... not necessarily happy; for some of them are painful, but the dream itself captures me, and I want to know more.

Although, in all my dreams recently, it's felt like I was, indirectly, the cause of someone else's pain. In the one I mentioned last time, when I was a ghost, it was painful for the people who cared about me. Each time, although not of my own volition, I caused someone's sadness. I don't think you can really see that as clearly in real life, though... to be honest; it's probably for the best - I have a huge guilt factor, and would feel so terrible about causing someone else unhappiness with my happiness, or because of something I did... and yet at the same time, I'm selfish enough to still want myself to be happy. Maybe that can be rationalized with others who care about me being happy that I'm happy, but I'm not sure whether it evens out, or how we could even be able to tell.

One of the things that gets me thinking, and probably influences my dreams, is the music I listen to. Recently, a few songs have been the ones that have been in my head - not like a song STUCK in your head, but the one that feels like it's connected to you. In many cases, though, it's more like I make a connection between the song and something not myself, and...

I don't even know where I'm going with this. Maybe I'm feeling guilty because my life seems to be going just fine, and then I think of all the other painful things happening to people, whether they exist or not (being that I care too much for fictional characters), and I wish there was something I could do to protect them...

"I always..."

A lot of thoughts, One little post

Be warned - this post is long and varied in nature. If you wish to skip parts, go right ahead!

I'm going to start with some things that were running through my head the other day. I wasn't paying any attention in class, and instead wrote out all these thoughts that were in my head, and I'd like to get them off my chest.

It's painful, I was thinking, either to protect someone, or to be the one protected.

Can you go all out when you know someone cares about you? If you care about their happiness, you'll want to protect yourself as well - because they'd be sad without you. That matters as well, doesn't it?

In the same way, loving someone is painful - as is being loved. What if the love is one-sided? You still want the person you love to be happy; if someone loves you, you want to, yourself, be worthy of that, even if you don't return the feelings. In this, I mean when the love is really that - Love. Not lust, not obsession, but honest love. Feelings of love, when true, are more precious than anything else a human can give freely; for emotions are the only things that are truly ours and ours alone; someone cannot truly take away your feelings, as they can anything physical.

One of the most painful parts of love is jealousy. You may want simply to care about someone's happiness, but we are human - and so we may be jealous of someone because they are the happiness we want to be.

I know that I am week. I am jealous, and I am scared to tell people I care about them, because I am afraid that they won't return the sentiment, or will have a problem with my feelings.

I am flawed. I have major issues when someone has different moral beliefs than I; I can't understand why you'd deny someone else their rights, when you say you are against too much government intervention. It's not that I have a problem with people not thinking exactly the way I do; it's having a problem with hypocrisy. The majority should not decide to take away the rights of minorities; do you want another version of apartheid?

On a completely different note, I've noticed that I care too much about people who don't really exist. I cry more at tragedies in novels or movies than I do when worse things happen in real life.

My heart breaks when Seishiro dies. I know it's coming, but when it happens, I cry every time. I can't imagine how painful it would be for Subaru, who knew that he was in love, but due to things far bigger than either of them, theyr'e fighting against each other and friends to the death, because they're forced into different molds, not of otheir own choosing (By the way, everyone should read Tokyo Babylon and X/1999, as well as everything else CLAMP has ever done.)

I've been having some not-so-happy days, recently, as I'm sure most of you who read this are well aware. There hasn't been any real reason, but I've just had low self esteem. I'm so grateful to everyone who stepped in and cheered me up; each in their own way. From offers of kittens (and I'm tempted to think that Aet was serious, then) to threats to drive all the way here and beat up anyone who made me sad (Clay, my cousin-in-law, who is awesome to the max), it really helped me feel more positive, and like I have more of a purpose. Thank you guys so much for having faith in me.

Now, I'm aiming to have more faith in myself, to be someone who people can rely on because I can do not only what I set out to do for others, but what I set out to do for myself. I'm working seriously on keeping my room cleaner (which is harder than it sounds, for me), and I'm working on remembering to take my meds all the time (I was surprised and disappointed in myself last semester). I'm never going to be perfect, but I want to work to be the best "Me" that I can be.

I'd like to take this opportunity to share some of the things that cheer me up, as well.

I love coming here every day to check on my blog list (at right), to see who's updated their blogs. I love reading everything you guys write, because it makes me feel more connected to all of you. From Pekka's buckets (and his special bucket present in honor of the Bucketon awards) to Illy's random rambles (you always make me smile), you guys are what ties me down. Sharing obsessions over cute animals (or lolcats, as the case may be), sharing "stalker" stories (Oh, JP and DU...), I feel like I understand what's happening in the posts because I understand you guys.

Part of me being more faithful to myself has also been starting to write more. I always have things in my heads - thoughts, stories, etc, that I tell myself I'm going to write down - and never do. Recently, I've started to actually write down what comes to mind, and I'm actually getting somewhere - I think so, at least. There's a story that's been in my head for years, and it's starting to tie together and flow when I write it. I don't know if I'll ever actually finish it (I'd like to), or if I'd ever submit it to an agent, but I want to get this story out of me, so I can at least share it with the people who I know would want to read it.

Some of the things I've been writing down come from my dreams. My dreams have been getting more and more coherent lately - instead of just going through a story, I'm FEELING things - not just emotionally, but it's like my mind convinces me I'm feeling physical aspects as well. I've been remembering more about them as well, and they have made an impact on me. They're hard to describe, but it's as if I'm having another whole experience at night. I get where a lot of the pieces come from, but I don't know why they tie together like they do, or what it may mean.

I died in my dream last night. It wasn't like you'd usually imagine - it was like, I was alive, and then I wasn't; it's so hard to describe in writing. But when I wasn't, I was a ghost - and there was only one person who could see me, and the whole thing seemed to make logical sense to me; but outside the dream, I can't quite figure out how it worked; or why my mind chose the people it did for the different roles in my dream.

Sometimes, I wish I lived in one of my many different dream worlds for a short while, if only to learn more - because it seems that it's never quite enough to learn what I want to. I want to dream more, remember more, learn more - especially about myself. Dreams reveal things to you that you may not outwardly admit to yourself when conscious, but it's important for them to come to the forefront nonetheless.

What are some dreams you guys have had? I'd love to hear.

Oi Vey

Didn't realize how long it'd been since I last blagged (and yes, you guys still have that term stuck in my head :P)

Anyhow, this is more thanks for you guys (being that I'm pretty sure no one else reads this xD) being so awesome and cheering me up with pictures of fuzzy creatures when I'm being all balsgjdaoi. And bitching out things that have no relevance on life whatsoever is fun - the RG Kacheek's tiara really WAS awful xD

But yeah, I wish I knew why life sucks so much right now. BLARGH. Also, I can't draw recently. I can colour my old pics, but I realized that I phail at drawing... and at life, apparently.

I really need to learn to actually READ things that are required for classes... I haven't even started most of them yet. I really should. I reallllly should. But I don't know why, for some reason my head KNOWS this, but I still blow it off in order to do things that are more interesting. I'm sure that I'll still get an easy A or B in all these classes, but I feel guilty for buying the books and not reading them... (with the exception of theatre; I read and keep all those <3)