I See Stars

Deviled Eggs: The Recipe

2010-10-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

I'm not much of a cook. That isn't to say I'm bad, but I don't derive a particular joy from cooking, and thus don't have as much practice as some people. One thing I do enjoy making, though (and know I'm good at) is Deviled Eggs. They're hardly the most difficult thing to make, of course, but I've sooo many sets that were just... well, so-so or COMPLETELY overdone and overgarnished. I've also met a lot of people who love them and never learned to make them; I think that's ridiculous, since they're so easy!

So, for those of you who don't know, here's a simple guide to nice, creamy deviled eggs :D

Deviled Eggs Recipe of DOOM

You'll need:
Large Saucepan
Strainer
Mayonaisse
Yellow Mustard
Dill Pickles
Eggs
Cutting Board
Paprika (optional)
Mixing bowl
Plate (for eggs when done!)
Fork (to mix the eggs up ;D)
Sharp Knife (to cut them in half!)

I tend to start with 12 eggs, but since this isn't numbers-based, you can use however many you want. You'll want a large saucepan, filled more than halfway with water. Set it on the stove, and bring it to a boil.

After the water is boiling, you'll want to add your eggs. Dropping them in can crack the shells, so I usually put them in a large ladle and drop them in gently, two at a time. Once they're all in, set the timer for 20 minutes. Check the stove occasionally to make sure it's not going to boil over.

Once the 20 minutes are up, remove the pan from heat, and empty it into a strainer. Start running cold water over the eggs, rotating them occasionally so they all get hit. After a while (once the eggs are cool enough to handle), take one egg and start tapping it lightly (although hard enough to start cracks in the shell). I tend to roll the egg all around multiple times, squeezing gently, until I have the whole shell riddled with little cracks. Carefully peel the shell off the egg (it's easiest to start from the bottom, as there's a notable gap between the shell and the egg).

Now that you've got your eggs all peeled, put them on a cutting board on their sides (not on the flat bottom). Cut them all in half down the middle. Once they're cut, turn them upside down over the mixing bowl and put gentle pressure on the bottom so the yolk falls out (this should be easy most times). Occasionally you'll have an egg that tore somewhat; I generally try to halve it so the tear is on once side. Crumble the torn egg white up and add it to the yolk mix. Don't worry if none of your eggs tore :)

You should now have all your egg yolks in the mixing bowl. I find it's usually best to stir them up a bit with the fork, so they aren't TOO chunky when you add in the other incredients. They should be reasonably crumbled.

Once the yolks are all crumbled up, it's time to add your incredients! You'll add mayonaisse (NOT Miracle Whip), Mustard, and the juice (or "brine") from the pickle jar in small amounts at a time. (Proportionately, you'll usually add more of the mayo). Stir it, and taste test. You're making these for you, so it's important that YOU like them! A big thing with adding in small bits is that it's easy to tell what you're too heavy on, and what needs to balance it out. You don't want to completely eliminate the egg taste, though! I can't really give you measurements, since I never measure xD After a time or two, you should have the hang of the balance you like :)

Once you've got the taste down, give the mix another stir, so that it gets extra smooth and creamy. Then it's time to dish it into your egg whites! Scoop them full one at a time, and move them to your plate in a pretty little arrangement. After they're all on the plate, take your paprika (optional), and tap it lightly over some of the eggs (not everyone likes paprika, but I like the little bite it adds, as well as the visual appeal).

You're finished! If you're serving them right away, do so ;D If not, cover them with plastic wrap and put them in the fridge to chill. If you have extra yolk mix, it makes a great cracker dip ;D

Summer's End

2010-08-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday night. I leave on Tuesday evening. Where the hell has the summer gone?

For a while, in the middle, it felt like it was going on forever - maybe that was because we were working nonstop and everyone was having periods of getting cranky. At that point, I thought that I couldn't get home soon enough - I was homesick. Now, it's almost like I'll be leaving what's become a new sort of home.

I take a while to really get acclimated to new people and a new place - and now that I have, it feels almost like I'll be going back in time. Sure, I'm excited to see friends and family again - but I think I'll also be a little bit in shock, going from seeing these people day in and day out to not at all. There won't be a Tiffany to spring into gear whenever someone is hurt or sick; there won't be Renee to have silly, pointless conversations with a million times; there won't be Ris and her refreshingly candid conversation; Bree insisting I need to get laid; Jess being silly and lighthearted; Jen getting into some silly get-ups; there won't be anyone there whose presence has been a constant these past few months.

This past week has had some of the best days of my life. Fun adventures, ridiculous conversations, and some of the coolest people I've ever had the pleasure of getting to know.

I don't know if any of you will ever read this, but I love you guys to death, and I hope it won't be too long before I get to see you all again.

Here's to Porthouse, 2010.

Life After High School, Up 'Til Now (Abridged)

2010-06-16T18:04:00.000-07:00

I make no attempts to deny it - in high school (and before), I was widely considered flat-out weird. That's not always a good thing (as much as I might appreciate it). I can't speak for others, so I don't know exactly what way they viewed me, but I'm fairly certain I was rather annoying.

A large part of that was probably due to me no longer caring - everyone was the same starting in 6th grade, and judgements were already made - and it didn't help that most were made before I was diagnosed with Aspergers' Syndrome and Clinical Depression. I've been on meds for years and years now, and obviously I've matured personally, but during those crucial years that was just another thing adding to the not-quite-right-ness of me in the eyes of the majority - and children are oh-so-quick to judge.

I've regretted it, of course - I can't begin to list the things I wish I'd done differently - but the past is the past. So going off to college, as I did in the fall of 2008, presented a whole new realm of possibilities.

I entered Drake as a Theatrical Technology and Design major (which I still am, and love!), and spent the first semester being more quiet, shy, and acquiescent than I had been ever before... and I was okay with that. Everybody there was new to me, and cool, and I really didn't want to start out with bad impressions. I tend to like most people (by most, I mean unless you give me a damn good reason, I'm not going to dislike you... but if I do, it's a serious dislike).

At some point, though, I began feeling more comfortable being me - especially as I got to know everyone in theatre better. It's a tight group, but one that's also very welcoming (although it is theatre - there's drama almost everywhere). I entered school happy with my choice (although Drake was not my original first choice), and I am absolutely confident that I chose the right place for me. By the end of my first year, I already knew how much I was going to miss the seniors, and how odd it would feel to no longer have everything how it was when I came. The Drake University Scene Shop Forewoman, Amy, was especially amazing - she kind of adopted me :) I've gotten to see her since (I flew down to Florida to visit over New Years!), and that's been awesome. Caitlin, the House Props Master from my freshman year, I've seen a few times as well (although not as often :().

I spent the first three weeks of summer after Freshman year taking interim classes with a few of my friends - Readings in Theatre and Stage Makeup. The rest of it I spent just kind of lazing - mostly because it was my last opportunity to do so. I got some little things done, took Theatre History online, and went to quite a few YMCA classes, but mostly it was a lazy summer - and I loved it. I hung out with Amy when she got back from working at the Utah Shakespeare Festival, I visited Ashley (a year above me and Amy's successor as Forewoman) in Wisconsin, and I went to my cabin for the first time in a few years! I'd been working both summers previous, so it was kind of weird being there (but fun).

Back to school in Fall 2009: I'm a sophomore, still taking mostly theatre classes (I got lucky with offerings, I have almost all my major classes done already), and living in a GIANT single dorm in Jewett Hall. The freshman class is much bigger than my class, which is good - and a bit weird. I'm now a T.A. in the Drake Scene Shop, and around mid-semester, I become the official House Props Master.... meaning I get shiny keys, and am in charge of general props stuff, helping the Props Masters for individual shows, etc. The year passes in an insane blur (I did go to USITT!), and suddenly it's summer again... which brings us to now.

I'm currently in Kent, Ohio, working at the Porthouse Theatre as Assistant Scenic Artist. I finished my last final, checked out, drove home, and spent one day there unpacking and repacking, before hopping on a 6am flight out to Ohio. Theatre check in happens pretty much when I arrive, and the next day, bright and early (really early - it's a different time zone!) I'm off to work. 9-5, Monday-Friday (although hours can easily be extended)... which really isn't bad at all for a summer theatre job. I spend my days doing a lot of painting (with Tiffany, the Charge Artist, and Renee, the Scenic Artist), and, currently, a LOT of work with foam @_@. We spent a week in a hotel while the apartments were refurbished, and then were moved in to four person 2-bed one-bath apartments. Mine, however, now has three people. Last week, while working with the table saw, something happened that caught one of Jess's fingers in the table saw, and sliced it almost all the way through, barely missing the second artery. No one witnessed, and Jess is too drugged up to remember, but she'd gotten her wood all the way through and used the push-stick, so it's very confusing. Since Tiffany and her roommates have cars (and had a spare bed), and were at the hospital, she's now moved over there.

And that's a concise version of my life up until now! (I'm also writing a fantasy novel... but will it ever get finished?)

Some random artworks I've done since high-school... (Drawings, jewelry-making, felts, etc.!)

Necklace I designed and made :D

Needle felted Piglet!

Self-portrait of a sort... I used it on my door in the dorms.

A watercolour piece based on a photo from the makeup final projects of two of my friends ;)

I might post more later when I get them xD I've done a lot digitally, too...

Love, Me :D

Twitteriffic

2010-06-04T16:20:00.001-07:00

I think I've gotten addicted to Twitter.... I blame Tarla for this, you know!

It's just so convenient...

and y'all should follow me :D JNSuzuka is m' user ;D

Hey look, it's an update!

2010-02-25T21:42:00.001-08:00

Hurry, or you might miss it!

So I know I'm terrible at this whole personal-blogging thing. Trust me, I never run out of things to say in person. However, due to my utter addiction to craft, design, and DIY blogs, I've decided to start another, separate blog as well... which will probably be updated quite a bit more often.

I realized that there's so much between all these blogs that could be relevant to theatre as well, but none I found seemed to focus on that... so I decided to! I'm entirely unsure as to whether anyone will ever actually READ it, but I feel good writing it and sharing thoughts and links :) So...

Here it is!

@_@

2009-10-06T15:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like I'm slowly falling apart.

Not like insane, but like my mind is flaking apart bit by bit...

I used to have a fabulous memory. I felt like I had something to bring to the world, I was SMART.

And now I don't even know what's going on. It's like everything is slowly, slowly falling apart and I can't figure out how to get back.

I hate it so much, and I have no idea what to do.

50 Things

2009-07-21T23:34:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to do this for a while...

So, here's 50 random things you might not have known about me :O (In no particular order)

1. My middle name, Dawn, was chosen by my mother's older sister. It's the feminine version of Don, which was their father's middle name, but also the name he went by (his first name was Delmar - I don't blame him), as well as the middle name of my cousin. For some reason, no one thought about this until after they'd chosen it.
2. The creatures I despise above all others are humans.
3. The first manga I ever read was Sailor Moon. (No, wait, I lied. It doesn't really count, but I read a pokémon comic in elementary school that I didn't realize was manga at the time).
4. I'm addicted to online shopping. Luckily, I'm usually able to stop short of actually purchasing something...
5. I have the inability to be funny on purpose. If I'm funny, it's spontaneous or unintentional.
6. I cannot take a bath without having something with me to read, or a game boy to play.
7. I read "People" magazine every week, catching up on the details of lives of famous people I really don't care about. I'm not sure why.
8. I was grounded from books when I was little, rather than T.V. or game systems.
9. My favourite fictional character of all time is Rogue, from the X-Men.
10. If something can get lost, I will lose it, in an inordinately short amount of time. Generally, it's somewhere obvious.
11. I have a habit of killing electronics accidentally. My Gameboy Advance SP was dropped into a lake while stepping off the boat and onto the dock. Luckily, the game was safe (although the actual gameboy was not).
12. I refuse to acknowledge the epilogue of Harry Potter as canon.
13. Speaking of Harry Potter, I found this author's retelling of the story superior to the original in every way. Read her work. NOW.
14. The only time I've ever used a lawnmower was when I used the riding one to haul our trailer up a hill.
15. I've never been able to cry when real people die, but when fictional characters do, I sob like no other.
16. I've always wanted to talk to animals (who doesn't?), but sometimes I feel like it'd be nice just so I'd finally be able to become a vegetarian. I've always lacked the motivation due to my supreme love of meat.
17. I love stuff, in general. Material things make me happy. They don't have to serve any purpose, but little statues, pretty things, books... just having them makes me happy.
18. If I get on a website like T.V. Tropes, Cracked, or Wikipedia, I'll spend hours upon hours on them, from starting on one single page. I end up opening new tabs every time something looks interesting.
19. My dream is to become a Disney Imagineer.
20. I have so many things I want to do (just regular things, not big lifelong goals), but I almost never get around to them, due to how easily distracted I am (and my terrible sense of time).
21. I have to stop writing this right now, and go to bed, because doing this is making me think of all the things I need to get done, but are kind of hard to do at 2:20 in the morning, when your family is asleep. I get mad at myself for not getting things done I really need to - like watering the plants, cleaning the litterbox, setting up a doctor's appointment, emailing a web page code... okay, I really need to leave for now.
22. I was addicted to Flaming Hot Cheetohs for years; that only ended when I had too many of them my first semester of college.
23. My lucky number is 23 - and not only because I was born on July 23rd. It's been extraordinarily lucky for me throughout my life.
24. I stopped caring what people thought of me during high school, because everyone had their opinions already. I got to college, and realized that it was so much more real for me to get along with everyone, and be easygoing. I wish I would've tried harder in high school, sometimes.
25. I love learning random things about different people I know :) It doesn't have to be relevant to anything, I just like knowing things about you! (In a totally non-creepy way)
26. I started this months ago, and am just now continuing... I'm too lazy to look back, so hopefully repeats won't happen xD
27. I really should be paying attention in Astronomy class right now, but... I'm not.
28. My laptop has a cool cover :) It's a Wyland piece, all happy and underwater and dolphins... I enjoy it.
29. I'm big on animal-rights and preventing animal cruelty. Don't go to a pet store, go to a shelter! You can find virtually ANY kind of rescued pet (including purebreds!) on Petfinder!
30. The titles of the folders on my computer (at least the desktop portion) make no sense to anyone but me... because they have little to no relevance to the contents xD
31. People who form opinions and make statements about things they don't know anything about piss me the hell off.
32. If I can't stand a writer's style, I simply will not read their work, regardless of why I'm supposed to. For this reason, I'll never complete Frankenstein, Twilight, anything by Dan Brown, etc. I find all the writing to be absolutely horrid and unreadable.
33. I love looking at stars, and things in space, but the thought of ever being out there terrifies me to no end.
34. I have Automatonophobia- Fear of ventriloquist's dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues - anything that falsly represents a sentient being. This also includes creepy mannequins in museums ;_; And, sometimes, old dolls.
35. I have my dream house planned out in my head, and have for several years. Naturally, it includes a large library.
36. I get depressed on occasion (and do have clinical depression), but I've never understood why someone would want to end their own life simply because things aren't going well. I guess I always believe in a better tomorrow, so it's never come to something like that for me. That said, there are definitely extreme cases where I do understand why people would make that choice.
37. When authors specifically make sure that every person in their book is neatly paired off in the end, it really bothers me. I mean, it may make sense in a long-running series, but when it's just one or two books, and everyone has happened to end up with another character? That's pushing it.
38. I might laugh at all the jokes in a comedy movie, but I still don't like them. Or bloody violent horror flicks.
39. Meanwhile, I can't watch psychological horror/thrillers, but for some reason I've still found myself awake until 3 a.m. reading summaries of classic films in this genre that I'll never watch (aka Alfred Hitchcock), and then kick myself later... I can't fall asleep with all the creepy in my head!
40. I want a Giant Rubber Duckie for Christmas. Or my birthday. Or anytime really... please? :D
41. One of my strongest traits is my sense of justice. If I feel something is unjust, I tend to over-react or get majorly pissed off for what other people may see as no reason.
42. Everyone should watch This Video... as long as you don't hate animals.
43. Actually, you should all watch This Video too... and this one... and this one... and why not try this as well?
44. I absolutely adore well-made music videos; usually of the fan variety ;) It's fun to see mesh-ups, and some of the makers are REALLY good :O
45. I have an obsession with cute things. Did you not know that? Then why the heck are you even here? xD
46. I don't have a T.V in my room, and it's probably a good thing - I've recently fallen in love with GLEE and Project Runway, in addition to already loving Dollhouse, so easy access would probably lead to more tv and less life xD
47. I can sleep forever, and get tired easily, but I for some reason I have problems falling asleep in the first place, no matter how tired I am.
48. When I get a video game, rather than racing through it, I make a point of taking it slow so that it lasts and I can have the full experience :D Unfortunately, this also means I may spend days in a row doing nothing else, and yet still making very little progress.
49. I used to wear a watch every day; since it got covered with paint, I've bought a new one, discovered that it obviously has issues, and keep asking everyone for the time when it really doesn't seem to matter.
50. I don't know if anyone will actually read this, but it's been therapeutic xD

Long Time Coming...

2009-06-30T20:21:00.001-07:00

It's been quite a while since I posted :O I feel like I should get at least ONE June post in, yes?

Summer has been going well so far. I'm sitting at home, watching the Twins game, at an awkward angle in order to have my computer plugged into the charger...

This weekend is the fourth of July; I'm heading up to my cabin for the first time in almost two years o_O One of my dad's older sisters, her husband, their daughter, and two dogs are coming up as well, which is exciting :D But Scooter is old and sick, and that's sad :( I've known him forever, and I really want him to live forever...

It's odd, I can only think of things to write when I'm not actually attempting to write them o_O Maybe next time I'll give an art update. That sounds smart, ne?

Birthdays :O

2009-05-07T17:17:00.000-07:00

Sci beat me to the punch today, but I felt like posting birthday wishes as well! (and stealing two of the edited versions of Rosie-images he made :P)

May 7th (today!) is Jen's 23rd birthday! Yay!

May 8th (tomorrow!) is Pekka's 19th birthday! Yay!

Coming soon is May 12th, when Nexy will be celebrating her 1st birthday - again!

As I just started giving birthday wishes, I feel the need to spread the love to two people who celebrated birthdays last month!

Both Anna and Willie turned 18 in April, Anna on April 27th, and Willie on April 15th.

Happy Birthday all!

(Pictures by Rosie ♥)

A Short Treatise on Sleep

2009-04-22T23:43:00.000-07:00

Actually, it's not a treatise, or a dissertation, or anything of the sort.

It is almost 2 am, and I'm not tired. I have to wake up in approximately 7 hours to go to class, which is much less sleep than I'd prefer. Last night, I got very few hours of sleep; the same the night before.

You'd think I'd learn, you really would.

Ah, well.

Edit

People are being loud, drunk , and annoying outside my room, and someone just tried coming in. WEIRD. Do Not Want. Locking the door now.

One of the boys was trying to enter the girls bathroom as I left earlier. It was kind of awkward. Too lazy to go to another floor to find the men's room, I suppose.

I'd complain to Makha, but she's apparently asleep and is at the other end of the hall. BLARGH.

Hm. Life.

2009-04-15T21:59:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while. Recently, I realized that when I'm laying in bed trying to fall asleep, all the great things come into my head, but if I actually got up to write them, I'd get distracted. When I actually DO go to write things, nothing good stays in my head. How depressing.

I'm eating Extra Cheddar Goldfish right now. I think I got a dud bag; they taste more... tasteless than usual. I wish I could just buy a bag of the cheddar dust and eat that. It'd be terrible for me.... but sooooo, soooo good. I'm also surrounded by boxes of gummies, puffcorn, popcorn, and other unhealthy items. If I had an actual kitchen, I think I would make real food. Instead, I went over to Cayla & Nicole's apartment in West Village today and Cayla and I made macaroni and cheese and watched movies. I saw "August Rush", and about half of "P.S. I Love You". Then Nicole and Amanda showed up and it became more of a gossip/chat-fest. I know what happened in the end of the second movie... but most of it is interspersed with random conversation about things like South Dakota and mothers. It was interesting x3

I actually have to go to my Religion Class tomorrow. Sadness. I skipped two classes in a row (shouldn't have done that, but the teacher's baby was soooo late), and then the baby came, so two more were cancelled... now I have class again. I wrote two (not-so-hot) papers really quickly, but I really didn't put my all into them... I just couldn't care. The class is interesting, but I'm not so interested that I WANT to research and write about it, like I do for History classes.

In Theatre... I suck at sound design. How depressing. So much of the electronics detail just goes in one ear, takes a detour around fluff central, hitches a ride on the mouse-express that runs through my head, and exits at the other ear, without leaving a drop of information behind. Hopefully I'll get paired with someone who DOES understand all this stuff for the recording project, or I'm royally screwed.

Intro to Design, meanwhile, is highly entertaining. I'm enjoying the drawing part a lot, and I really like how Holman doesn't just tell me something's wrong, fix it - he tells me what's wrong, shows me why it wouldn't work in a way that I'll be able to think of in the future, and gives an example of how it could be fixed. Then I get to go back to spending wayyy too much time drawing pretty sideboards before realizing this is the pre-vellum version and it's on the wrong side of the door.

That brings me to Newsies [connection to be explained]. <3 <3 <3 Newsies. Brief backstory: I have seen far too few movies. This is being rectified bit-by-bit. Therefore, I was over at the same apartment mentioned earlier to see some of them. We'd just finished Edward Scissorhands, and I'm looking to see what to watch next. I've heard of Newsies before, so I take a look at the VHS, and ask if it's any good. Nicole just LOOKS at me, and tells me to just be quiet and put it in. NOW. x3 I did, and ... Ah! Love <3 So I ordered the DVD & music book on Amazon, and then went into Intro early on Tuesday, popped it into my computer, and watched/listened while working on Front Elevations. Then Holman made me turn it off so we could actually pay attention in class x3

A few minutes ago, I realized what a horrible person I am. You know those really annoying alert things in Facebook, in the corner that SHOULD tell you birthdays in events? Well, I just got a suggestion, because "17 of your friends are fans of God!". I clicked the 'x' in the corner. When Olive Garden Breadsticks were suggested, however, I didn't hesitate. Now I want those. And mashed potatoes. GARLIC mashed potatoes. Yum.

Also, I have been looking at lots of cute things lately (what else is new?) with plenty of encouragement... so I felt the need to share some. I'll start with just one today...

The House of Mouse is an AMAZING little plushie-maker - all sorts of adorable mice dressed up as all sorts of things... my favourite is Ewok Mouse x3

Life Updates!

2009-03-12T22:38:00.000-07:00

Lots of random little things that I felt like talking about :O

So I started needlefelting today, and I'm enjoying it quite a lot!

Naturally, I broke my first needle in no time ;_; Trying to remove some felt to fix the shape of the bunny I'm working on, and bent it. Tried bending it back, and it snapped. If I was smart, I'd've used scissors...

I'm on Spring Break! I had a lovely ride home with lovely people. Being that we're all theatre majors, we listened to soundtracks and sang along. Julia and Cayla actually asked me if I'd been in choir before, which was interesting, because I've never sung in any choir x3 Maybe I should've; I'd be able to sing better :O Apparently my voice sucks less than I thought x333

Heading to the Mall of America tomorrow :D Hoping to buy some random things ^_^ I don't know if they have a craft store; I want to find it if so!

I also am still missing two keys on my keyboard... the down arrow and the 1 key. I can press the pads, but I miss the actual buttons xD So much easier when I have them...

Aggh, I'm bored now. I feel awake, but not really like doing something specific >_< Too late to take a bath, running low on computer battery...

A Happy Post :O

2009-02-25T20:15:00.000-08:00

I know, I seem to only post emo things... so I decided on a happy post :O I felt kind of guilty after a bunch of you IM'd or emailed me with hugs... but I luff you all <3

Anyhow, I thought I'd make a post that's full of happier things! Yay!

First of all, I'm going to apologize for being a bit behind on approving content/revisions (to those of you it's relevant to), as well as not helping staff chats live this past week or two; I won't be very alive again until after next weekend (not this weekend, next weekend), as I'm helping with the set for The Bacchae, and then running the light board for the actual show; I'm having a lot of fun doing so :) I feel much more useful recently, which is a definite plus. It's also nice to get to know more about some of the upperclassmen in my major ^_^

And, back to the happy place! That makes me think of Peach, the Starfish from Finding Nemo [yes, I am a geek... if you didn't know this, you wouldn't be here :D]

I had pizza today and yesterday. That was happy. I have a Diet Coke sitting in front of me right now. Cold, carbonated, bad for me, and utterly delicious. I'm addicted to the stuff. I like food. Amy said we may go to Jethro's for dinner tomorrow, since we've had pizza twice xD I've never been, I'm rather excited :) And the dutchmanning of the columns should be finished tomorrow, so we'll be doing something else finally ... although the dutchmanning still needs to be finished on the actual set, and that's not so fun... at least it doesn't involve standing the entire time.

My first class tomorrow is cancelled since we need to watch The Matrix and write a paper. I should get on that...

Mornings make me think of breakfast. I forgot my gallon of milk in my aunt & uncle's fridge this weekend (along with my leftover steak :(), so I've been getting breakfast at Olmstead this week... first time I've done so all year :O

And now I'm distracted by some things that are making me unhappy, so that ends this ramble... it'll return later.

Weekend Rambles

2009-02-22T15:14:00.001-08:00

Liking someone sucks.
Really, really sucks.

Mostly because I have a tendency to fall for people that I know won't, for various reasons, ever like me. At least, not that way. And then you start wondering if they even like you as a friend, and freak out because what if they find out, when you know you'll get over it someday, but they might not believe you and will forever be awkward. Then you say "Fuck my life" and wonder if you'll ever be lucky enough to find someone.

And then I get scared, because I don't know what the answer is, and I don't want to end up alone, and I'm not willing to settle for someone who likes me but I'm not über-fond of. I can't do that.

Instead, I can just curse my luck for who I've fallen for, and wonder when things'll be okay again.

I wish I had internet right now. It's hating me, due to the snowstorm, and I can't distract myself with anything at the moment, so I'm moping and feeling sorry for myself, which really can't be very healthy.

I wish I wasn't so scared to try and get to know people better, and goddamnit, I wish I was better at making friends. I don't want to alienate people I'm fond of, so I become different, without consciously thinking about it. I don't know what to do.

Especially in the Theatre department, people really seem to group off into friend groups, and, while I'm fairly good at getting along with everyone (I don't think anyone specifically DISlikes me... I hope not...), I wish that there was someone (or multiple someones) who would just be like "Hey, you're cool, let's hang"... only in less dorky terms xD I'm hoping that makes sense. I like getting to know people; I'm a curious person, and pretty much everything about people fascinates me. Which, when I think about it, is kind of ironic, due to the fact that most of humanity annoys me (in general, not specifically).

And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes my random ramble of the day(s).

Uselessness

2009-02-10T20:57:00.000-08:00

So I realized something today.

I'm so useless ;_;

Not in the general sense, of course; there are plenty of things I can do that are useful. But in the area where it really counts, my major, I feel rather useless. There's nothing at the moment I'm particularly good at; there are certain things I'd like to learn more about, of course, but it's not to the point where I really CAN. I'm definitely utter fail at carpentry, and I'm having a hard time being original or interesting in Intro to Design... My strength lies more in looking at something rough, or an idea, and turning it into something good.

Unfortunately, that's not that useful at the moment... blaghh...

And I want to earn money next year, because my dad's no-job restriction lifts after first year. But I don't know what I"d do; the interesting jobs will be taken by Work-Study, and even if I applied, I doubt I'd get a TA job for Scene or Costume shop :/ I'm just not good enough at anything @_@ I'm better than a good many people, but with the number of positions available, I just don't quite make the cut :/

It's rather depressing.

Also, I feel like I'm giving people the impression I'm stupid because I ask for so much clarification ;_; I just don't want to do things wrong... I'm turning perfectionist.

Blah.

Missing

2009-02-07T22:12:00.001-08:00

I was talking with Dave today, and I was rambling on about dogs and cats.

And I told him about my Raney, and my Zoe.

My precious dogs.

Now, usually I go on about kitties and how much I love them.

But just reminiscing...

God, I miss those dogs. Raney was my guardian, from the time I was born until she died. Such a sweet Rough Collie. I wish I could go back and thank her for giving me a lifelong love of all creatures, for I do believe she started it.

Now, Simba is my angel. Zippy is my buddy. But Zoe...

Zoe was my love. That little dog couldn't be called smart, by any means. But she had the biggest heart in the world. She could never jump onto couches or beds. She'd put her paws up, wag her tail, and make you pick her up. Last week of school, 3rd grade, dad comes home with this adorable little ball of fluff. Two days after christmas, 7th grade, that adorable pile of love passes away. God, she wasn't even four years old. Shih Tzus are supposed to live 10 years, minimum, averaging 15 years. She was so, so sick. I don't know how much my parents spent for her medical costs, but for us, anything was worth it if it could keep this light in our lives just a little longer.

The day she died, I had the most horrible case of the flu. I can't remember ever being sicker, bar two days earlier (christmas day, I couldn't even be excited to open presents). That morning, it was obvious. She couldn't make it anymore. The vet saved her christmas bows for me. I still have them, in a special box on my headboard at home.

I think just talking about her today really let it sink in. I have a hard time really letting things sink in, but right now, I'd give anything to see that dog once more, or even just to know that she's in a better place.

Raney, thank you so much. I love you.

Zoe... my precious love, I hope you're happy, wherever you are. You never deserved the sickness you had. You deserve to be frolicking and chasing tiny tennis balls and jumping in giant piles of snow and not worrying about being housetrained. I love you, angel.

I love you.

Dreams and Music

2009-02-01T19:28:00.000-08:00

I know I just talked about dreams, but I felt like musing a little bit more...

Recently, I've found I've wanted to go to sleep simply so I can dream, because my dreams have been so vivid and interesting... not necessarily happy; for some of them are painful, but the dream itself captures me, and I want to know more.

Although, in all my dreams recently, it's felt like I was, indirectly, the cause of someone else's pain. In the one I mentioned last time, when I was a ghost, it was painful for the people who cared about me. Each time, although not of my own volition, I caused someone's sadness. I don't think you can really see that as clearly in real life, though... to be honest; it's probably for the best - I have a huge guilt factor, and would feel so terrible about causing someone else unhappiness with my happiness, or because of something I did... and yet at the same time, I'm selfish enough to still want myself to be happy. Maybe that can be rationalized with others who care about me being happy that I'm happy, but I'm not sure whether it evens out, or how we could even be able to tell.

One of the things that gets me thinking, and probably influences my dreams, is the music I listen to. Recently, a few songs have been the ones that have been in my head - not like a song STUCK in your head, but the one that feels like it's connected to you. In many cases, though, it's more like I make a connection between the song and something not myself, and...

I don't even know where I'm going with this. Maybe I'm feeling guilty because my life seems to be going just fine, and then I think of all the other painful things happening to people, whether they exist or not (being that I care too much for fictional characters), and I wish there was something I could do to protect them...

"I always..."

A lot of thoughts, One little post

2009-01-30T20:34:00.000-08:00

Be warned - this post is long and varied in nature. If you wish to skip parts, go right ahead!

I'm going to start with some things that were running through my head the other day. I wasn't paying any attention in class, and instead wrote out all these thoughts that were in my head, and I'd like to get them off my chest.

It's painful, I was thinking, either to protect someone, or to be the one protected.

Can you go all out when you know someone cares about you? If you care about their happiness, you'll want to protect yourself as well - because they'd be sad without you. That matters as well, doesn't it?

In the same way, loving someone is painful - as is being loved. What if the love is one-sided? You still want the person you love to be happy; if someone loves you, you want to, yourself, be worthy of that, even if you don't return the feelings. In this, I mean when the love is really that - Love. Not lust, not obsession, but honest love. Feelings of love, when true, are more precious than anything else a human can give freely; for emotions are the only things that are truly ours and ours alone; someone cannot truly take away your feelings, as they can anything physical.

One of the most painful parts of love is jealousy. You may want simply to care about someone's happiness, but we are human - and so we may be jealous of someone because they are the happiness we want to be.

I know that I am week. I am jealous, and I am scared to tell people I care about them, because I am afraid that they won't return the sentiment, or will have a problem with my feelings.

I am flawed. I have major issues when someone has different moral beliefs than I; I can't understand why you'd deny someone else their rights, when you say you are against too much government intervention. It's not that I have a problem with people not thinking exactly the way I do; it's having a problem with hypocrisy. The majority should not decide to take away the rights of minorities; do you want another version of apartheid?

On a completely different note, I've noticed that I care too much about people who don't really exist. I cry more at tragedies in novels or movies than I do when worse things happen in real life.

My heart breaks when Seishiro dies. I know it's coming, but when it happens, I cry every time. I can't imagine how painful it would be for Subaru, who knew that he was in love, but due to things far bigger than either of them, theyr'e fighting against each other and friends to the death, because they're forced into different molds, not of otheir own choosing (By the way, everyone should read Tokyo Babylon and X/1999, as well as everything else CLAMP has ever done.)

I've been having some not-so-happy days, recently, as I'm sure most of you who read this are well aware. There hasn't been any real reason, but I've just had low self esteem. I'm so grateful to everyone who stepped in and cheered me up; each in their own way. From offers of kittens (and I'm tempted to think that Aet was serious, then) to threats to drive all the way here and beat up anyone who made me sad (Clay, my cousin-in-law, who is awesome to the max), it really helped me feel more positive, and like I have more of a purpose. Thank you guys so much for having faith in me.

Now, I'm aiming to have more faith in myself, to be someone who people can rely on because I can do not only what I set out to do for others, but what I set out to do for myself. I'm working seriously on keeping my room cleaner (which is harder than it sounds, for me), and I'm working on remembering to take my meds all the time (I was surprised and disappointed in myself last semester). I'm never going to be perfect, but I want to work to be the best "Me" that I can be.

I'd like to take this opportunity to share some of the things that cheer me up, as well.

I love coming here every day to check on my blog list (at right), to see who's updated their blogs. I love reading everything you guys write, because it makes me feel more connected to all of you. From Pekka's buckets (and his special bucket present in honor of the Bucketon awards) to Illy's random rambles (you always make me smile), you guys are what ties me down. Sharing obsessions over cute animals (or lolcats, as the case may be), sharing "stalker" stories (Oh, JP and DU...), I feel like I understand what's happening in the posts because I understand you guys.

Part of me being more faithful to myself has also been starting to write more. I always have things in my heads - thoughts, stories, etc, that I tell myself I'm going to write down - and never do. Recently, I've started to actually write down what comes to mind, and I'm actually getting somewhere - I think so, at least. There's a story that's been in my head for years, and it's starting to tie together and flow when I write it. I don't know if I'll ever actually finish it (I'd like to), or if I'd ever submit it to an agent, but I want to get this story out of me, so I can at least share it with the people who I know would want to read it.

Some of the things I've been writing down come from my dreams. My dreams have been getting more and more coherent lately - instead of just going through a story, I'm FEELING things - not just emotionally, but it's like my mind convinces me I'm feeling physical aspects as well. I've been remembering more about them as well, and they have made an impact on me. They're hard to describe, but it's as if I'm having another whole experience at night. I get where a lot of the pieces come from, but I don't know why they tie together like they do, or what it may mean.

I died in my dream last night. It wasn't like you'd usually imagine - it was like, I was alive, and then I wasn't; it's so hard to describe in writing. But when I wasn't, I was a ghost - and there was only one person who could see me, and the whole thing seemed to make logical sense to me; but outside the dream, I can't quite figure out how it worked; or why my mind chose the people it did for the different roles in my dream.

Sometimes, I wish I lived in one of my many different dream worlds for a short while, if only to learn more - because it seems that it's never quite enough to learn what I want to. I want to dream more, remember more, learn more - especially about myself. Dreams reveal things to you that you may not outwardly admit to yourself when conscious, but it's important for them to come to the forefront nonetheless.

What are some dreams you guys have had? I'd love to hear.

Oi Vey

2009-01-28T15:29:00.000-08:00

Didn't realize how long it'd been since I last blagged (and yes, you guys still have that term stuck in my head :P)

Anyhow, this is more thanks for you guys (being that I'm pretty sure no one else reads this xD) being so awesome and cheering me up with pictures of fuzzy creatures when I'm being all balsgjdaoi. And bitching out things that have no relevance on life whatsoever is fun - the RG Kacheek's tiara really WAS awful xD

But yeah, I wish I knew why life sucks so much right now. BLARGH. Also, I can't draw recently. I can colour my old pics, but I realized that I phail at drawing... and at life, apparently.

I really need to learn to actually READ things that are required for classes... I haven't even started most of them yet. I really should. I reallllly should. But I don't know why, for some reason my head KNOWS this, but I still blow it off in order to do things that are more interesting. I'm sure that I'll still get an easy A or B in all these classes, but I feel guilty for buying the books and not reading them... (with the exception of theatre; I read and keep all those <3)

The Boredom of Meh

2008-12-06T11:55:00.001-08:00

I'm sitting in the booth.

I'm bored.

Show is about to start.

Like 10 people in the audience.

I want pizza ;_; I'm soo hungry; haven't eaten yet today (was my own fault, I know)

Maybe I'll walk to Paul Revere's and get some food between shows.

I'm so ready for Christmas break. My cousin called this morning; my g-parents are in town for the weekend and they were wondering if I was free. I wish I was :( I might get breakfast with everyone tomorrow, which would be exciting. My cousin has a new baby boy who I STILL haven't met :(

wow, 2 minutes to show and the audience doubled xD

I'm so behind on everything because of this show. I love working in shows, but even though I have my computer, I don't have my tablet and such, so I can't do my normal focus on 20-things at once. I have 2 papers to write, one to re-do, a bibliography for a final, an extra-credit bibliography, content approvals, a game to test and review, a layout to make (I'm a week behind, I'm a horrible council member), a drafting project, a drafting FINAL, a project in stagecraft to make up (I swear, that stupid girl needs to show up when she says she will next time or I'll FLIP). I also have an acting final coming up I need to finish memorizing my script for and work with my scene partner on, a presentation on tuesday... and I also desperately need to clean my room. Meanwhile, I have a pile of things I WANT to do that I can't because I don't have time ;_; Sad day.

The Non-Block of Text

2008-11-27T20:00:00.000-08:00

So I realized that my previous posts are definitely huge wall/blocks of text. So I figured I'd break up the monotony with images that make me happy, and random commentary on them.

Oh, and I love reading. Reading is such a nice break from reality. Uncle John's Legendary Lost bathroom reader, Museum of the Missing, Writer's Market, Green Rider, and The Fall of the Kings are the books I'm currently in the middle of <3 I have several others on my reading wait-list at the moment as well...

Also, when I'm with my mom, she gets all clingy, and really doesn't get that alone time has nothing to do with her. I haven't seen her; that doesn't mean Alone time is "get-away-from mom" time... it means I don't feel like talking to ANYONE T_T

so, IMAGES <3

Note; Some need to be opened in a new window for full image-ness.

Anyone else remember that day? xD

It's Zippy!

Zippy doesn't have much in the way of common sense...

It's a Duck. <3

I'm a Pooh fan :D

This XKCD Pulled at my heartstrings. I can't choose a favourite XKCD, but this recent one beared sharing.

Little Jerry Lee, from the IBKC, was very sick, and passed away earlier this year. I always see this picture and feel sad.

The original version of the song is best by far.

EPCOT's Illuminations Fireworks; I love them.

My Life's motto.

After finishing this, I realized that I'm very fond of quotes on images, but choose not to include most of them. Maybe some time later?

Because Pekka Said So [tired random rambles]

2008-11-18T20:31:00.000-08:00

Pekka told me that I should blog again this month, so I figured I better get around to it...

Actually, I'm in my FYS right now and just don't feel like paying attention. Class has gotten to the point of monotony. I'll have to wait to actually post this until later, though, because my stupid internet refuses to connect without an ethernet cable plugged in. Nate tried to fix it during the break between the Stagecraft test and Drafting, but couldn't :(

A little more self-loathing occuring today (and somewhat yesterday). I don't know what I'm doing WRONG, per se... I'm just not apparently doing anything RIGHT. In that way, I'm kind of jealous of Katie. I don't know what about her makes her so perfectly likeable, but she's the kind of person almost everyone knows and likes. I wish I could be like that, but alas... doesn't seem likely to happen :( She was sick today and yesterday, and I felt bad for her; she's been sick on some of the worst days, and it's not simple-sick, it's like ear infections and strep; possibly mono. She still had to come in to test and draft, and she was kind of out-of-it, and was hilarious in her incoherence. She's been really worried about some things, though, like missing Acting yesterday on monologue performance day, and that's exceeding the absentee limit, and then she spilled some tea on her drafting at 9:00 pm, and was worried she'd have to redo it. On top of that, she's getting tested for mono, and might have recurring strep. Poor her :(

Wow, I'm brain-dead. This is a highly uninteresting post, and I'm hungry. Want food plox. Can has?

I'm supposed to be writing about something somehow related to my paper (wasn't listening), so I'm writing here instead, yay!

I think I need a new desktop background, it's still Ascule and Que Filles from Kiddy Grade 2... I kind of want some sort of photograph; maybe a waterfall, or some scenery from New Zealand or Laos.

I'm pretty much finished signing up for classes for next semester; I just need to figure out if the over-ride my advisor tried to give me for Intro to Design and Sound Design worked (and I don't have the internet ATM, so I can't check). I'm also taking Costuming, Reading/Writing Children's Literature, and Principles of either Micro or Macro economics.. I can't remember which one, though. I need to take them both for a business minor... meaning that I don't have class until 11 am on Mondays and Wednesdays, 9:30 on Tuesday/Thursday, and 2:00pm on Fridays. Yay! This'll get 3 requirements for my major out of the way, 1 for my minor, and 1 class for fun :3 I should have a total of 17 credits when I include my Technical Practicium, which is a good thing.

My Amazon and Ebay purchases have started arriving in the mail now! I finally got "Fall of the Kings", which I've been looking for for ages - I'm so excited, I love the authors' work :D I also got "Seraphim Call" (DVD) yesterday, and I should have the first season of Maria-sama ga Miteru showing up soon. I also won two eBay auctions - a great deal on the original release + final box for all the discs of My-HiME, so I can then make back half of that by selling my perfect condition copies of three of the DVDs. I also got the starter set for Mai-Otome; the other DVDs (and special edition Zwei!) are on my wishlist.

Speaking of Mai-Otome, the third and final episode of Mai-Otome 0 ~S.ifr~ comes out Friday; hopefully the fansubbers will get it up pretty quickly; I enjoyed the first two episodes... barring, of course, the pervert who'll probably end up being Arika's father *sigh* Why does Sunrise feel that the My-HiME project needs to pair up the main characters (who are awesome) with guys who are pervy geeks?

Answer: Because that's the Japanese demographic they're aiming for. Nevermind that all their overseas profit pretty much comes from females. I mean, they have My-HiME, where Mai spends half the series with a major crush on Reito and hating Tate. Then all of a sudden she falls for Tate, even though Reito was interested as well? I mean, sure he was possessed by an evil entity, but he didn't abandon someone who depended on him because a bigger pair of boobs came along. He was also smarter, cooler looking, student-council VP, AND Mikoto's older-brother... so it was a perfect fit (and the hair colours didn't clash as horribly). And that's not even an OTP for me in that series; I'm a ShizNat fangirl! (Come on, psychotic obsessive lesbian who defeats everyone to protect Natsuki? AND she's the student council president. Plus, purple dragon for a CHILD, and a fucking awesome colour-coordinated naginata.) I could go on forever about Takeda's idiocy, but the official canon stated in the conclusion book that she turned him down - for Shizuru-sama! He's just a stupid pervert who'll eventually be destroyed ~ ♥

Yes, my priorities are well in order.

Rambling On Traveling [and several other things]

2008-11-07T15:36:00.000-08:00

This is also me procrastinating cleaning up. I seem to have this innate ability to make a mess of wherever I am.

Anyhow, sorry I've not been around for staff chats this week [that is, if anyone else has bothered to start them :P] It's been one of those weeks where I'm just totally and completely OUT of it, and this coming week I'll be busy with the musical (I know Terry can commiserate :P)

Recently I've been thinking a lot about traveling. I've been to quite a few places, seeing as we went out-of-state for every spring break except one (that one being when my parents went to Hawai'i for their anniversary), but there's still so much I haven't seen... I always seem to end up in the same places over and over again. Not that it's a bad thing, mind you, but I wouldn't mind going to, say, Washington D.C. or New York City, or better yet, out of the country again (except for Mexico, worst vacation ever. Couldn't breath, got horribly sunburned, etc.)

This year, since Amanda [little sister, since I know we keep re-having these discussions on our siblings, and forgetting that other people have them :P] and I have different breaks, we're going to Naples, Florida over New Years instead. We went there last year, and it's this absolutely WONDERFUL hotel, with a pathway to a lovely private beach (you can also take the tram, but I only did that once or twice). It's a high-class spa resort, and so you don't have all the annoying little kids there. It's also within walking distance of a Barnes and Noble with a starbucks and free wifi! The shelling is spectacular, and they've got this AMAZING Italian restaurant - it's my favourite ethnic cuisine, and they have these amazing Potatoes called "Potatoes Brio" that made me just about die. My family had a bruschetta sampler platter, and I had my potatoes. Unfortunately, we went the day before our departure, so I couldn't keep my leftovers :( I'm excited to go back, though! It's not a bad drive to the Everglades, and we had a lot of fun on one of the boat tours; I'd also like to see if we can get to one of the private shelling islands again. We went on a gorgeous day, right after a storm, so the shelling was WONDERFUL. I also found several starfish, which I picked up to throw back into the ocean (poor dears).

I also have really loved a few other vacations (Hawai'i was nice on Maui, not as great on the Big Island - and next time we'll go to a hotel rather than rent condos!), but my favourite was always staying with my aunt and uncle at their house in Arizona. It's a gorgeous house in a Scottsdale country club, and the area around is just amazing! I even got my own room with private bathroom and bathtub, plus two little doggies who loved me! They also have a hot tub and pool, as well as an amazing Grand Piano, but I don't know if I'll get to go back again :( I believe the house is currently on the market, as they both retired and moved back to northern minnesota, to the same town they grew up in. We'll be staying at their new (apparently huge and gorgeous) house over Christmas, so I'm excited to see how it is. Apparently the dogs (Scooter and Pepper) have now met Skye and Iggy (My Grandparent's dog and cat), as well as Roxy (My aunt's slightly insane pomeranian). For a German Shepherd, Skye is kind of a wimp - she took one look at Scooter (this tiny, twelve-year-old Bichon), and got scared xD She also lets Iggy boss her around, even though he really has no authority (he was rescued from a shelter by my cousin; some owner had cruelly had him declawed on all four paws - a procedure most vets refuse to do).

-Random Intermission: I'm hungry. I ordered pizza, but it won't be here for 20 minutes or so *sigh*. I had oreos and candy earlier (I brought them in for everyone working on set and such today, I think they were appreciated x3) -

Anyhow, back to animals. I miss them. I need some fuzzies in my life ;-; I'm going into creature-withdrawal. On top of that, my mother calls and tells me how snuggly my Simba-cat is being :( I miss him and Zippy. And Rocky, of course... I want to go back in time and give Rocky more hugs and kisses and pets, because even though it'd never be enough, I regret that sometimes I wouldn't give him as many because I wanted to go inside where it was warm... and now I can't give him any more, and that really makes me sad. I tend to read a lot of blogs and websites, and so I was on petfinder the other day keeping up with Northwoods Humane Society, the shelter I used to volunteer at (I hope to do so again during holidays and summer), and ended up searching and getting emo again... I just want to sit down and have a kitty in my lap, a puppy next to me, maybe a chinchilla or something clinging to my arm. I can't wait until I have my own place and am able to do foster care for pets. I want a huge yard, so I can help with as many as possible - I know hooved animal rescues often need land and hay, so I want to help with that as well...

I think my pizza will be here shortly, and I need to find my cash.

Who I Am

2008-11-03T20:54:00.000-08:00

So I saw Pekka's comment on the previous post, and I realized suddenly how very right he was... We can spend hours chatting about absolutely nothing, we're perfectly comfortable with FB-stalking each other, and we know perfectly well how most of us can turn everything into sexual innuendos. We have random nicknames, and MOST of us are aware that Melissa is not my name... :P

And at the same time, we know almost nothing about each other. I mean, besides the obvious. Everyone knows I'm OCD when it comes to anything remotely cute, etc. So I thought I'd take this opportunity to re-introduce myself, and tell you all sorts of random stuff about me! [aka, the things that are constantly referenced but have never been actually stated]

I'm from Minnesota [not Michigan], as most of you SHOULD be able to remember T_T Not that it's completely obvious or anything *eyeroll* ;) I have two parents [still married], and one little sister, currently a freshman in high school. I have two cats, Simba and Zippy. Simba is mine, and looks like a mini mountain-lion. Zippy is my sister's, and is splotchy dark grey and white. Both are boys, despite the humane society mistaking Simba for a girl all those years ago... Simba is about 9 or 10 now (we don't know quite how old he was when we got him), and I believe Zippy is about 4 years old.

I'm currently in Des Moines, Iowa, at Drake University (because you totally forgot that as well, I'm sure, Dave *sarcasm* ;) ) I'm studying Theatre Tech/Design, and Terry should come join me... right, right? *pokepoke*

I play two instruments, the flute and the piano. I started Piano when I was 6 or 7 years old, and flute when I was about 11. I'm absolutely hopeless at sports, although I did do horseback-riding for several years. Someday I'd like to get around to studying a martial art; I'm also interested in Archery and Fencing, as well as getting back into riding (I'd like to learn English-style).

I spend my spare time drawing, reading, hanging with friends, sleeping, and JN-ing with my lovelies <3

I love my family, but I have issues if I'm around just them for too long a period of time. My dad is 50, and is CFO at a concrete company (not giving names for privacy reasons... never know who'll find this :P), and my mom is head of corporate and public relations at an international adhesives company. I'm a lot like my dad; we're both very frugal, while my mom is a clingy shop-a-holic (I love her, but...). My sister is at the age where she goes from being semi-nice to totally bratty *sigh*. I also have a very tight-knit extended family. My dad grew up on a farm, and has 6 brothers and sisters, all of whom are married with children. Several of those children are grown and married now, with kids of their own (and two on the way!), and we also hang with some of my dad's cousins, as well as his parents at their farm. My mom has 2 siblings, with a total of 5 children between them. One of those is currently a sophomore at Drake, the another is considering coming here next year. One is a junior at Luther College, one is the total baby of the family (Hannah Banana!), and the last is one of my closest cousins.

Every year, we go up to a resort in northern minnesota with my mom's side of the family. It's over 100 years old, and it's one of my favourite places in the world (if not number one). It's not anything like most resorts (all hotel-y and commercialized), it's very rustic. We have fans instead of AC, gravel roads instead of Dirt, etc. We're good friends with most of the people who come up the same week as us, and have been for longer than I've been alive. I've worried in the past about it eventually being sold off (the land has to be worth TONS), but with the economic downturn, they were doing better business than ever this summer - people taking closer vacations and all, instead of flying somewhere. If ever it is sold off, my goal one day is to purchase the land and restore it to how I remember it, and keep it that way. It's kind of weird, I'm sure, because it's hardly what most people would look at and think "Perfection"... but to me, it's the most beautiful, perfect place in the world. I feel more at home there than I do in my own home or dorm. It's both isolated from the real world, and yet not isolated enough that I have family here, there, and everwhere. That's the reason I hate going to our personal cabin in Wisconsin; there's NOTHING there. At all. I don't know the neighbors, and I can NEVER avoid my own family. I know the rest of them love it, but I only like it when I remember the weekends I spent with my friends there for my birthday in years past.

Friends are by far the most important thing in my life, but I'm going to avoid going through and listing them, because it would take forever... and I love them all, and I'm afraid I'd leave someone or something out. I'm so used to them that it's been über-weird here, where no one really knows me... but I'll leave that for the earlier rant ;)

I think if I had to sum myself up in one word, it'd be, as I set my name here as, "Dreamer". I don't consider myself like most "dreamers", though... I'm the girl who dreams and aims for it all to be real. If I'm doing something, it's because I'm aiming to make it real. I'm foolish enough to wait and expect everything to come to me; I'm going out there to grab it and make it perfect as can be. One of the quotes that catches me most in life was said by Johnny Depp - "I remember when i was a kid, I used to dream of flying a lot. I guess most kids do. You grow up, and a bunch of hardship gets thrown on your shoulders, you don't dream of flying anymore.".

I'm the girl who still dreams of flying. Somewhere inside of me, I still believe anything is possible, no matter how unrealistic it may be, or how many people may think it makes me seem like a kid. Even if it is only in my dreams, my wings are there. They're never the same, but they are there.

And they are beautiful.

Early Morning Rant

2008-11-02T00:09:00.001-07:00

I've been needing one of these for awhile. Like no other. Beware, more swearing than usual occurs. Not like it's that bad. Also, there is a lot of me bitching. Nothing personal.

I've decided I kind of hate life right now. Not being alive, but just life in general. Not how it's treating me, but how I'm fucking it up, and can't seem to get myself to change. I absolutely love school and I love the people here... but god, I miss having someone I can just rant with, and know that they won't judge me, or form an opinion, because they already know who I am and accept me for that. And I hate talking on the phone; it isn't the same at all.

But I hate who I am right now. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, but I'm not me at all. Normal me is psychotic and talkative and doesn't give a shit because everyone has their opinions, and if they don't like who I am, they can go fuck it because I'm me, and have people who understand.

When those people aren't a minute away, things change. Suddenly I'm this quiet, much calmer person, and the only random things that spout out of my mouth are so random that even I don't follow the fucking pattern, and just serve to make people think I'm some sort of freak. And I like people, and I get along with them, but I don't have anyone yet I can just ramble off to and confide in. Hell, I don't know if anyone even fucking considers me a friend yet, because I don't know them, or how their minds work.

I'm so bad at making friends. I'm absolutely terrible at it. I'm so scared that I'll give off the wrong impression, or bring up something that is totally inappropriate in their eyes, or seem like some kind of freakish stalker because I remember things that usually people don't just happen to REMEMBER. I mean, I'll glance at your favourite books on facebook, and I'll remember that, even though I'll never look again and it really doesn't matter. But being that they really don't know me yet, they don't know how much information I keep in my head that others would find totally and completely irrelevant.

On top of that, I'm pretty candid when it comes to things like my meds, autism, etc. So I'm just being up-front, like "yeah, this is part of my life". But sometimes I worry that people get the wrong impression, like they think I'm trying to stand out or something. "oooh, I'm special". I know I'm not fucking special. It's like that saying "You're unique - just like everyone else." Yeah, everyone likes to think they're different or special, but even if you believe that, you can't live like that "Oh, I'm special. Things will happen because they must for my life to be perfect." No, when I bring up my Asperger's syndrome, it means that there is a fucking reason that I remember so many random things, and that I can't read body language. At all. I'm not trying to ignore you or be rude, I just don't fucking get it. Tell me. I can take the truth, and I'll try to fix it. I'm going to be blunt and honest, and I'd like it if you'd do the same.

I am who I am. I'm going to tell you random things about me because I like knowing random things about you. People interest me in general. It doesn't have to be something uber-special or private. The fact that "Oh, I love cute overload as well!" or "Yeah, I LOVE Disney movies," or "I have a sister in 9th grade too!" - that means something to me, even if normally it seems to just be random conversation. I honestly care. And sometimes I feel like I reveal the wrong things, to make people get the complete wrong impression of who I am and what I want.

I also care far too much what people think of me. I see these stats, [totally made up, which pisses me off], that people post in profiles or whatever, like "98% of teens care about what others think of them. Post this here if you're one of the 2% who don't!".

Yeah, you do. Don't lie to yourself. You're trying to be cool and unique, because you think it impresses others. The fact that you'd post such a thing says enough about you. We care what others think because it allows us to be more confident in who we are.

Also, I find that I seem to give off the impression that I'm a rich spoiled brat far too often. I don't mean to, and I like to think that I'm not. No, I didn't know how to sweep. Never had to. Yes, the housecleaner did it. That's not as unique as people seem to think. Why? Because my parents never had the time to do any of that. I might not be a good sweeper, but I'm excellent at dusting, vacuuming, laundry, dishes, etc. Yes, I go on a lot of vacations. They also cost a lot less than people assume, because my parents rack up frequent flier miles for work.

Yes, I like several anime series. That does not make me a fucking "Narutard". I started enjoying comics (both american and japanese) when I was in 6th grade, long before most. I'm not stupid enough to think that injecting random japanese phrases into conversation is "cute" or "cool". No. I don't fucking speak japanese, it just sounds stupid, unless you're actually talking about something japanese that really doesn't translate. "Okonomiyaki". It's a food. It makes absolutely no sense to translate it into english, because there really isn't a translation. I don't want to live in Japan. It's crowded and hideously expensive. I don't have this delusion that I'll go off and create some great series that everyone will love. Neither will you. Get over it.

I'm rather jumping around here, but I'm also not as useless as I've been feeling this year. I hate feeling like I'm accomplishing nothing. I hate being the person who comes off as useful, but when you put me in a situation, I'm not. I feel like I haven't been in a single situation all year where I've been the least bit useful or helpful. It kind of sucks.

I also hate how fucking addicted to sleep I am. I never used to be this bad. Suddenly, my schedule is wonky, and I can go from being wide awake to conking out in class, which I DON"T want to do. I can't fall asleep at night, and I can't stay awake during the day.

I'm also completely gullible. I fucking hate when people take advantage of that, because it pisses me off like no other. I try not to lie to people, because I hate being lied to. I can't fucking tell if you're lying. I don't have the ability to read your body language or understand common social cues that most people understand. It's not FUNNY to convince me something is true when it's not. I tend to start off trusting people, but once they do something like that, once, I have trouble trusting them ever again. It doesn't matter how minor it is, I'll always worry that anything you say could be a complete and utter lie, and it'll be obvious to most people, but I'll fall for it again.

If you don't do that, I'm one of the most loyal people you'll ever meet. I don't backstab; I don't lie to you. I'm willing to help with almost anything. I'll keep your secrets safe, and I hope that you're willing to do the same. If you ever need me, I'm there. I'm the girl who pays for your concert ticket when you're broke, without being asked, because I want you to be there.

I feel like I could go on and on, but I'm probably repeating myself by now.

I'm also incredibly hungry, but there's nothing here I want to eat.

Goddamnit.

One of those days

2008-10-27T20:21:00.000-07:00

It's been one of those days.

Those completely random days, where I go from being awake to asleep, from hungry to full to hungry without eating, where I (for once) am a little more quiet and reserved around others, but get hyper and energetic once I'm alone.

I've been listening to a lot of new music lately. Not new in the necessarily sense that the music is new, but in the sense that it's new to me.

I've decided that while I really like college, I'm not so sure I like how I've just been holding back, in cases where before I would've been an energetic goofball. I don't know if it's just an intrinsic worry that people need to get slowly acclimated to me, or what, but I've been incredibly quiet and reserved, which just isn't me. I don't think I like it much, but I don't think I liked being "nuts" either.

Blarrgh.

I was proud of us for finishing that podcast, BTW. Even if we did get some weird comments. Terry sounds like someone's dad? Nexy sounds 12? I think the most accurate one was me being "bubbly".

I think we should definitely release some of those bloopers though. Maybe not some of the embarrasing ones, like "The Cat Song", but the munchkin can meet people... right?

Also, I think I have a dent in my head. Anyone want to check for me? I swear I feel one.

Oh, and no matter what Dave tells you, it's a sorceress, NOT a slutty witch T_T

QOTD OVERLOAD!

2008-10-21T21:13:00.000-07:00

Yay! I decided I really needed to catch up on all the Quote of the Day [QOTD]'s that I've missed by not always having a blag...\

IMAGE HEAVY

Let's start with some of my favourites! [warning: Definitely not appropriate for all ages.]

Also, if you are part of the awesome chat group, you'll have seen most of them :P

Yes, I am screenshot addicted. Let's have a party!

I also desperately need a life. Did some drafting today after sleeping on the bus home from fall break.

Also, I felt pride that we actually got recorded this weekend - then realized that Terry STILL hasn't gotten started on editing *sigh*

♥

Someday Somewhere

2008-10-18T23:36:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a girl. The girl had a great many random friends, who were great lovers of blags. And so, eventually, long after the peak of blag mania, the girl decided to make one. Along the way, she encountered many trials and tribulations. There was a great deal of difficulty involved in choosing a URL for her blag-to-be, and she attempted to enlist the help of the DAVE. Sadly, he was rather useless, suggesting her name, her name-that-isn't, and then telling her to use "NameConfused". She was amused, yet remained unsatisfied. Finally, after testing many different combinations [and finding her favourites all taken], she decided to look into things that had left an impression on her. Thus, onlythefairytale.blogspot.com was born. "It's Only the Fairy Tale", from the epic series "My-HiME", as sung by Alyssa Searrs.

The blog was created, and the girl greatly pleased. Finally, somewhere to rant and rave at will, and to share a few choice gems from the epic amount of screenies taken during MSN chats. Somewhere to ramble, regardless of whether or not anyone actually READS the ramblings. Thus is the way of the wandering dreamer, who is currently bored as hell and not an ounce tired at nearly 2 am on a Sunday morning.

In short: It was time. I got a blag. Expect QOTD to come eventually. Screenies own your soul. And for god's sake, DON'T link it anywhere THEY will see. [and Terri_the_Girl will not come here. Period. If someone earns the right to hear it, they better be staff-worthy]

Much love, me.